Acolyte Meeting
by ColdFusion180
Summary: Magneto gathers the Acolytes for a meeting, which is something he soon regrets.


**Acolyte Meeting**

"Alright, listen up," Magneto stood in front of his assembled Acolytes in the control room. "Let's get this meeting underway. First, someone had better take care of the dishes in the sink. We're running out of things to eat off of and the garbage disposal hasn't been run in a week. I think I saw a small plant growing out of it this morning so one of you had better get to it!"

"Not me," Piotr protested. "I have done the dishes almost every night since I've been here. It is someone else's turn."

"Forget it, I don't do dishes," Sabertooth growled.

"Well I'm certainly not going to do it," Pyro folded his arms.

"Me neither," Remy said. "I'm the one who cooked dinner last night and the rule is the cook doesn't clean up the mess he makes."

"So what's to prevent the cook from making a huge mess for others to clean?" Piotr asked.

"Nothing," Remy said.

"That's not fair," Pyro snapped.

"Neither's life. Get used to it!" Remy shot back.

"Enough!" Magneto shouted. "Since you can't solve this yourselves, I'll have to pick one of you. Sabertooth, clean up the dishes."

"What!" Sabertooth yelled.

"Ha!" Pyro laughed.

"Make sure to use dish soap and not laundry soap in the dishwasher," Remy taunted.

"Shut up!" Sabertooth roared.

"Quiet! You'll all start using a rotating schedule for cleaning dishes and the entire kitchen every day," Magneto declared. "Now about using the main computer. That computer is state-of-the-art, cutting edge technology. It's capable of over six billion calculations per second, has more storage capacity than most company mainframes and has the latest in visual graphic and audio sound systems. So whoever is playing _Civilization III_ at night had better stop it! You're supposed to be sleeping at two in morning, not playing stupid computer games!"

"Hey, Civ III is a great game!" Pyro protested. "I'm halfway through the Rise of Rome scenario and have nearly conquered all of Carthage."

"It is quite addicting," Piotr admitted. "Once you began a game it is very difficult to stop. I am almost ready to send my spaceship to Alpha Centauri."

"Oh brother," Sabertooth sneered.

"Fine, play the dumb games!" Magneto gave in. "Just make sure you stay awake when you're supposed to. Now another computer issue is the security blocks. Those blocks are there for a reason. They are to prevent anyone from tracing the signal and discovering our location. So anyone attempting to bypass them in order to download stuff will be severely punished, **Gambit**!"

"Hey, what's wrong with downloading a few entertaining pictures! They're really high quality!" Remy said.

"Gambit, downloading four hundred and sixty **gigabytes** of card images from various customizable card games is not acceptable! Not only are they pointless they use up valuable space on the hard drive!" Magneto glared.

"So what? You just said that its got tons of space on it. And don't you have the internet patched through your own personal satellite anyway?" Remy asked.

"Just get rid of that stuff by the end of the week," Magneto grumbled. "Next item. I'm getting sick of having to pay for supplies to repair all the damage you maniacs cause around here. Walls, pipes, wiring, lights, furnature, all that costs money! And it costs even more to clean up the scorch marks left on everything. Also, I know one of you made that hole in the bathroom wall and although I could just make a metal patch to cover it up I'm won't. So until someone takes responsibility for it the hole will remain and we'll all have a nice view of anyone doing their business in there, which should be punishment enough for all of you. Hopefully you'll all be scarred for life. Speaking of expenses, how do you explain this two thousand dollar bill for motorcycle maintenance and parts?"

"Hey, if you want to have a nice bike you gotta take care of it," Sabertooth said. "The exhausts have to be cleaned, the engine overhauled, the frame properly waxed. And since neither of these clowns know how to care for a bike I'm stuck with caring for three of 'em," Sabertooth jerked a thumb at Remy and Piotr. "Plus some of that is labor costs teaching these two basic maintenace."

"Fine, just try to cut down on your expenses," Magneto gave in. "I'll deduct your labor costs by cutting off the amount of cash I give Gambit and Colossus."

"Hey!" Remy and Piotr shouted.

"Moving on, tomorrow's training session has been canceled…" Magneto began.

"Hooray!" the Acolytes cheered.

"…and instead you'll all work on moving the thirty foot tall statue of Duke Ellington made entirely out of rubber bands that Gambit somehow snuck into the Training Dome."

"Awww," the Acolytes moaned.

"Way to go Cajun," Sabertooth snarled.

"Thanks a lot," Pyro snapped.

"How did you get that into the Training Dome in the first place?" Piotr asked.

"Trade secret," Remy grinned.

"Oh geeze!" Magneto groaned. "Next, I wanna know what that awful smell is coming from Storage Room Four. I'd check myself but I keep passing out every time I approach the room. And I will catch the joker who put blue ribbons in my hair and drew a smiley face on my cheek the last time I was passed out!"

"It's nothing," Sabertooth waved. "It's personal."

"Personal, it's more like pollution," Pyro quipped.

"Victor, you have two options," Magneto glared. "Either you tell me what's in there or I will simply use my powers to remove the entire room from the base and hurl it into the sun."

"Fine," Sabertooth gave in. "I just have a few large tanks of live fish in there."

"Fish?" Piotr blinked.

"Yeah fish," Sabertooth snorted. "I like having some fresh fish every now and then, okay?"

"What kind of fish?" Remy asked.

"Salmon, trout, albacore tuna, swordfish," Sabertooth ticked off his list. "Stuff I can't get easily around here."

"Well why don't you share any of that with us?" Pyro protested. "I love grilled salmon."

"It's my personal supply. Don't even think of coming in there," Sabertooth warned.

"So the fish are making that awful stink?" Magneto asked.

"Kinda," Sabertooth shrugged. "Plus the food in there I feed to the fish. You know worms, eels, other fish, squid. Plus I catch, gut, and eat the fish fresh in there. The fillets are good but the livers and gas bladders are great. The egg sacks are especially juicy, slide down the throat real nice…"

"Glub!" Pyro placed a hand over his mouth.

"Too much information there!" Remy covered his ears.

"Okay, enough of that," Magento looked a little green. "Just don't tell me the details and clean up your messes in there. I'll get a new dumpster for you to put in there and connect to the main garage chute. Or maybe we'll save some of the waste and use it as a weapon of mass destruction. From the smell it might even be worse than that weakling Toad in the Brotherhood."

"Great," Sabertooth nodded.

"Finally, I want to know what was that racket last night in the recreation room," Magneto said. "The doors were locked but I could still make out the screams, explosions and destruction of furnature."

"We were just having a minor disagreement," Remy waved.

"Enlighten me," Magneto glared.

"There were just some technicalities on a game we were playing," Piotr said.

"For the last time, if you touch a block in Jenga you have to try and remove it," Pyro rolled his eyes.

"No you don't! You can touch any number of blocks to see which ones are loose!" Sabertooth growled.

"That is cheating," Piotr said.

"Well then so is slowly circling the table chanting 'Jenga…Jenga…' everytime someone is taking a turn," Remy grumbled.

"No it's not. That's just part of the game," Pyro said.

"ARE YOU CALLING ME A CHEATER?!" Sabertooth roared.

"Yes," Piotr looked over at a readout. "It only took you six seconds to realize that."

"DIE!" Sabertooth tackled Piotr.

"You first!" Piotr armored up and threw Sabertooth into a wall.

"Chanting 'Jenga' is a distraction," Remy got in Pyro's face. "It's the same as chanting 'Don't mess up'!"

"Oh really, well let's see how you handle distractions!" Pyro shot back. "Jenga…Jenga…"

"Oh no, I'm not listening to this," Remy covered his ears. "I'm not listening, I'm not listening, la la la…"

"ROAR!" Sabertooth hooked Piotr's leg and send him tumbling to the ground.

"Uhha!" Piotr grunted and kicked Sabertooth aside.

"Jenga…Jenga…" Pyro chanted.

"SHUT UP!" Remy yelled and tossed three charged cards at Pyro.

"Whoa!" Pyro dodged the cards and shot out some flames from his pack to make a fire lion, then had it start chasing Remy around the room. "HAHAHAHAHA!"

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"So much for trying to cut down on damage repairs," Magneto groaned as he slowly backed out of the room and fished out a bottle of aspirin.

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution, Civilization III or Jenga.**


End file.
